im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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