so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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