I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
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