I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
ok first of all what the fuck
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
