on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
