He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
