I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
