so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
