Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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