$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Found the puke drawer
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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