it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
