Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
