i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
