woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
