still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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