Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
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I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
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This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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