Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
