dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
