I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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