Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
