I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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