her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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