Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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