I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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