my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
