Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
