Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
