Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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