ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
