No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize