2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
