wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
