I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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