My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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