I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
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Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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