Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
