your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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