I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
