Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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