his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
