i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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