Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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