It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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