Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
