that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
