I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
