That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
