How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
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My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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