I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
