so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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