My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
