Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
