Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize