My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
