Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
