What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
