I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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