you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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