please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
