Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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