If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
