i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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