i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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