I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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