Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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